Destined to Fail?

[Originally posted to Facebook on 1/13/09]

I have been fat all my life. When I was young, my dad used to tell me it was just baby fat and would go away as I grew into a teen. It didn't. My brother always had a fat joke at the ready. Often unleashing one when I needed it the least. The leanest and meanest I ever got was in high school. I wrestled and played a little football. I was pretty much the direct opposite of your garden variety all-star but I did lose most of my belly by running countless stairs and sweating countless gallons doing it.

I gained some of it back in college, but kept it at bay by playing massive amounts of tennis and walking pretty much everywhere I went.

Luckily, I married Margret before I put on the weight I am carrying now. Not sure that would have happened otherwise.

Margret has been doing the gym thing for most of her adult life. And it shows. She is a hottie. She is curvy. She is muscular. When she swings, I flinch. For the past few years or so, she has been pretty darn consistent about going to the Y 5 days a week. This past year she has opted to take the 9AM classes there where she does everything from lifting to spinning.

I, on the other hand, have become a disgusting fatbody. Out of shape and getting worse. The prospect of working out makes me want a doughnut. The guilt from eating the aforementioned doughnut drives me to drown my feelings in the other doughnut (did I mention I got two.)

Yet, I have things I want to do with my life. See my boys graduate and get married, spoil my grandkids, beat Margret at Wii boxing...you know important things.

Back to Marget...

On Fridays, she takes a particularly hard (yet rewarding) class led by a crazy man known as Johnny Loper, or Jay-Lo as his studio is named. He remembers you and is friendly and funny every time you see him. One day she talks to him about helping me get into some other shape besides round. He asks to see us (me) at his studio that next Tuesday to talk about what he has to offer.

Long story, short, I start training with Johnny. This is back in October of '08. My gosh at the pain. But I got better. My gosh at the nausea. But I got better. My gosh at the swirling vortex of air being sucked into my lungs. But I got better.

Its January now and I am still fat mind you, but I spring out of bed. I don't get run down mid-afternoon anymore. I can out last my kids at wrestling even when I take them on all at once. I can't beat Margret at Wii boxing yet but I am beginning to suspect she is cheating...this needs more investigation.

Thinking back over these last 3 months of training I have realized several key things about myself. It is my hope I can get some good comments and suggestions from folks and maybe even inspire someone to get off their own duff and do something.

Thing 1 - If there is nobody there to hold me accountable, then I won't work out. The fact that I know Johnny is waiting at his studio on me to get there is enough for me to drag my body out of bed on training days (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.) Yes, I paid him to be there, but its more than that. I don't want to disappoint him. I have tried and failed so many times before, when trying to lose weight on my own that I no longer feel overly disappointed in my own self when I do fail. Having that external accountability has made a huge difference.

The next couple of things have to do with my off-days (Tuesdays and Thursdays.)

Thing 2 - I hate monotonous exercise. Walking the treadmill, elliptical trainer, whatever totally and utterly sucks. I hate it. I have tried mp3 players with all types of music. Watching TV, people, and the goings on outside the window to no avail. It just sucks.

Thing 3 - I hate working out alone. This one is two-fold. First: if ever I am going to fail to get out of bed in the morning to workout it will be on a Tuesday or Thursday. Second: when I get to the gym I tend to flounder about trying to do something that will resemble exercise. But without that human counterpart there I often stop short and do not push myself. Why? I am inherently lazy. My inner couch potato has a very loud voice when there is no one else there to drown it out.

The last thing has to do with my eating...

Thing 4 - If I get hungry I will cheat if given the chance. I have zero will-power. I have come to realize this. Accept it. I think that if I can keep myself satisfied with healthy snacks and meals then I won't get hungry and thus won't cheat but this is purely anecdotal and somewhat optimistic thinking. The thing is I know what choices I should make. I know how to read nutritional labels and can almost convert the calories/fat/fiber to weight watcher points in my head. In this case, at least for me, knowledge is NOT power. A big hulking guy standing over my shoulder ready to snatch that cookie from my hand and dare me to take it back - that is power.

If I am ever to adopt a healthy lifestyle on a long-term basis, I have to find solutions to the 4 things listed above. I think until I do, I am destined to fail again.