So, my dad smoked a pipe. He used "Half & Half" tobacco brand and it had a distinctive smell to it. It was a nice smell, comforting even. After all, my dad was the greatest dad ever and when you could smell his tobacco, then he must be nearby. I loved my dad dearly and I hope my kids will love me as much as that. Anyway, on to my point...
I have the office to myself today. So I have some Cash playing probably a little too loudly and am in the "programming zone". All of a sudden I can smell his tobacco. Dad has been dead 22 years now and I can still immediately recognize that smell. It was here for a few, brief seconds, then it was gone.
hmmm....I wonder what that was all about.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The strangest thing happened...
I am setting here working and listening to Pandora. Johnny Cash's version of "Your are My Sunshine" started playing. Margret popped into my head and I couldn't stop thinking about her.
She is my sunshine. Without her I would probably be some (REALLY) fat slob, with no kids, wife, or have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I don't want to imagine what life would be like without her.
That is all.
She is my sunshine. Without her I would probably be some (REALLY) fat slob, with no kids, wife, or have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I don't want to imagine what life would be like without her.
That is all.
Monday, February 23, 2009
328 lbs.
Well, another good week has come and gone. I worked out Monday through Friday, but not Saturday. That day, I helped a great man move his family and then spent the afternoon with my boys. I also stayed under 30 points all seven days.
Because I didn't get to workout on Saturday, I weighed this morning with some apprehension. I think of Saturday as my "last chance workout" to use Biggest Loser phraseology. But, I stepped on the scale and I am down 3 more pounds! So now I am at 328.
One word of warning after a discovery I made this last week. Nexium INCREASES your appetite! I took a Nexium last Sunday evening near bedtime. That Monday was hell! My appetite was through the roof. It was better on Tuesday but still above normal. Wednesday came and things were pretty much OK. Nexium is not an option for me at least until I lose the poundage.
108 lbs to go.
Because I didn't get to workout on Saturday, I weighed this morning with some apprehension. I think of Saturday as my "last chance workout" to use Biggest Loser phraseology. But, I stepped on the scale and I am down 3 more pounds! So now I am at 328.
One word of warning after a discovery I made this last week. Nexium INCREASES your appetite! I took a Nexium last Sunday evening near bedtime. That Monday was hell! My appetite was through the roof. It was better on Tuesday but still above normal. Wednesday came and things were pretty much OK. Nexium is not an option for me at least until I lose the poundage.
108 lbs to go.
Monday, February 16, 2009
331 lbs.
Lets see...where to begin. Oh, yes. 331 baby! I have been consistently losing 3 lbs per week for the last 3 weeks. I really hope I can keep up that pace. I have learned that the rule "Dieting is 80% about eating and 20% about exercise" is absolutely correct. Before this dieting journey, there were times when I would have myself convinced that I could have something (cheat) if I worked out harder later. That is B.S. my friend.
I am not trying to discount exercise though. So don't get me wrong. Exercise builds muscle. Muscle burns fat. We all know this. But, exercise has had another effect on me that I didn't realize until now. I have a very stressful job and my calling at church is also stressful. Exercise gives me a release from that stress. Where I would normally eat as a way to deal with the stress, now I sort of "channel" it through my exercising. And because the exercising alleviates the stress, I don't feel the need to eat (read cheat here) and I lose more weight. I think this is key to the reason I am averaging 3 lbs per week. My concern now is pushing myself to get stronger and faster without injuring myself. My knees seem to creak a little more but as I lose the weight I am hoping they can catch up.
111 lbs. to go.
I am not trying to discount exercise though. So don't get me wrong. Exercise builds muscle. Muscle burns fat. We all know this. But, exercise has had another effect on me that I didn't realize until now. I have a very stressful job and my calling at church is also stressful. Exercise gives me a release from that stress. Where I would normally eat as a way to deal with the stress, now I sort of "channel" it through my exercising. And because the exercising alleviates the stress, I don't feel the need to eat (read cheat here) and I lose more weight. I think this is key to the reason I am averaging 3 lbs per week. My concern now is pushing myself to get stronger and faster without injuring myself. My knees seem to creak a little more but as I lose the weight I am hoping they can catch up.
111 lbs. to go.
Monday, February 9, 2009
334 lbs.
Well, I was dreading it this morning. But, I weighed in at 334. That's 2 lbs since Friday. I think I lost a lot on Saturday. I along with 3 great men went to Paragould, AR to help with the cleanup after the ice storm that went through there a few weeks ago. I got to wield a chainsaw all day. Lots of damage and lots of opportunity to be of service to those fine folk. We worked at four homes and removed damage from almost 30 trees.
Whenever, the church does service, they hand out a t-shirt to all the volunteers. It is bright yellow and has "Mormon Helping Hands" printed on the back and front. Think of it as free advertisement I guess. "Hey look, Mormons aren't so weird after all."
The one thing I was dreading on the trip up there was the t-shirt. I currently wear a 4XLT and I knew there was no way they were going to have that size waiting on me when I got there. Turns out, the biggest they had was a 2X. Funny thing though. I stretched it a little before putting it on and what do you know. It fit...sortof. It was too short and a little tight across the midsection but it was comfortable. It didn't bring back memories of "Tommy Boy"...the "fat guy in a little coat" scene. In any case, we were so busy I didn't have time to think about it too much.
114 lbs to go.
Whenever, the church does service, they hand out a t-shirt to all the volunteers. It is bright yellow and has "Mormon Helping Hands" printed on the back and front. Think of it as free advertisement I guess. "Hey look, Mormons aren't so weird after all."
The one thing I was dreading on the trip up there was the t-shirt. I currently wear a 4XLT and I knew there was no way they were going to have that size waiting on me when I got there. Turns out, the biggest they had was a 2X. Funny thing though. I stretched it a little before putting it on and what do you know. It fit...sortof. It was too short and a little tight across the midsection but it was comfortable. It didn't bring back memories of "Tommy Boy"...the "fat guy in a little coat" scene. In any case, we were so busy I didn't have time to think about it too much.
114 lbs to go.
Friday, February 6, 2009
336 lbs.
I have lost 14 lbs. so far. I started at 350 and want to get to 220. Let's see that's 350 - 220 = 130; 130 - 14 = 116 lbs. to go. Wow, how depressing...
Today has not been a good day so far...
My trainer texted me at about 3:40 this morning that he has a stomach virus and wouldn't make it today. Man I feel for him.
I really worked out hard yesterday. 45 minutes in the elliptical trainer and my average HR was 133 and I burned about 670 calories. I really had to push myself to not stop.
So this morning, after getting the text from Johnny, I am laying in bed thinking there is no way I can get myself to do what I did yesterday. I don't have the discipline (yet?) to make myself do the things I need to. So, I opted to sleep in. Dammit, dammit, dammit.
Also, I have been hungry all freakin' day! Just before lunch time, I got this unbelievable craving for Arby's. I resisted but it took everything I had to stay in my chair. I hope this gets easier. I tried to talk to M about it but I don't think she gets it....how hard it is for me to resist.
Today has not been a good day so far...
My trainer texted me at about 3:40 this morning that he has a stomach virus and wouldn't make it today. Man I feel for him.
I really worked out hard yesterday. 45 minutes in the elliptical trainer and my average HR was 133 and I burned about 670 calories. I really had to push myself to not stop.
So this morning, after getting the text from Johnny, I am laying in bed thinking there is no way I can get myself to do what I did yesterday. I don't have the discipline (yet?) to make myself do the things I need to. So, I opted to sleep in. Dammit, dammit, dammit.
Also, I have been hungry all freakin' day! Just before lunch time, I got this unbelievable craving for Arby's. I resisted but it took everything I had to stay in my chair. I hope this gets easier. I tried to talk to M about it but I don't think she gets it....how hard it is for me to resist.
Its hard to sell 3 lbs.
[Originally posted to Facebook on 2/2/09]
I have been pseudo-dieting since October of last year and have lost 13 lbs to date. If I had been serious that whole time about my eating, I could have lost 42 lbs or so by now. That's 30 lbs more. I suck.
So last week, Sunday to be exact, I decided to "get my eating under control." I have been diligently tracking my eating and trying to keep my weight watcher points to a maximum of 30. For my weight, I am allowed 31-36 points per day. So you see, I am trying to be aggressive; and its working. I lost 3 lbs last week. Tangible evidence of my commitment. Yes, I felt hungry a lot. Yes, I wanted to eat something for no other reason than I wanted it. But I didn't cheat. I didn't give in. And I lost 3 lbs. That is encouraging.
But, you know. Dieting, and yes this IS a diet. Not a lifestyle change, not a new day, not a new life. It's a diet. I hate the new-age spin people place upon the obvious. Dieting is won in the trenches. You make one big decision at the very beginning and that is to commit to losing weight. The rest of the decisions (and there are thousands of them) are small day-to-day, meal-to-meal, minute-to-minute decisions. Success and how much you see of it is the direct result of all those small decisions.
Saturday was Ben's birthday party. We had friends and food. That was a hard situation but not as hard as I thought it would be after a week of dieting. I worked out hard on Saturday morning, ate very little during the day, and that night at the party I had 2 slices of pizza and LOTs of raw veggies with 2 tbsp of ranch dressing for dipping. In total I had 39 points. Not too bad. Sunday I only had 21 points to help make up for the fact I went over my allowed points the day before.
What is discouraging is that I have to repeat last week's performance 39 more times to reach my goal. That's almost 10 months boys and girls! Ugh. I so need a montage.
I have been pseudo-dieting since October of last year and have lost 13 lbs to date. If I had been serious that whole time about my eating, I could have lost 42 lbs or so by now. That's 30 lbs more. I suck.
So last week, Sunday to be exact, I decided to "get my eating under control." I have been diligently tracking my eating and trying to keep my weight watcher points to a maximum of 30. For my weight, I am allowed 31-36 points per day. So you see, I am trying to be aggressive; and its working. I lost 3 lbs last week. Tangible evidence of my commitment. Yes, I felt hungry a lot. Yes, I wanted to eat something for no other reason than I wanted it. But I didn't cheat. I didn't give in. And I lost 3 lbs. That is encouraging.
But, you know. Dieting, and yes this IS a diet. Not a lifestyle change, not a new day, not a new life. It's a diet. I hate the new-age spin people place upon the obvious. Dieting is won in the trenches. You make one big decision at the very beginning and that is to commit to losing weight. The rest of the decisions (and there are thousands of them) are small day-to-day, meal-to-meal, minute-to-minute decisions. Success and how much you see of it is the direct result of all those small decisions.
Saturday was Ben's birthday party. We had friends and food. That was a hard situation but not as hard as I thought it would be after a week of dieting. I worked out hard on Saturday morning, ate very little during the day, and that night at the party I had 2 slices of pizza and LOTs of raw veggies with 2 tbsp of ranch dressing for dipping. In total I had 39 points. Not too bad. Sunday I only had 21 points to help make up for the fact I went over my allowed points the day before.
What is discouraging is that I have to repeat last week's performance 39 more times to reach my goal. That's almost 10 months boys and girls! Ugh. I so need a montage.
Destined to Fail?
[Originally posted to Facebook on 1/13/09]
I have been fat all my life. When I was young, my dad used to tell me it was just baby fat and would go away as I grew into a teen. It didn't. My brother always had a fat joke at the ready. Often unleashing one when I needed it the least. The leanest and meanest I ever got was in high school. I wrestled and played a little football. I was pretty much the direct opposite of your garden variety all-star but I did lose most of my belly by running countless stairs and sweating countless gallons doing it.
I gained some of it back in college, but kept it at bay by playing massive amounts of tennis and walking pretty much everywhere I went.
Luckily, I married Margret before I put on the weight I am carrying now. Not sure that would have happened otherwise.
Margret has been doing the gym thing for most of her adult life. And it shows. She is a hottie. She is curvy. She is muscular. When she swings, I flinch. For the past few years or so, she has been pretty darn consistent about going to the Y 5 days a week. This past year she has opted to take the 9AM classes there where she does everything from lifting to spinning.
I, on the other hand, have become a disgusting fatbody. Out of shape and getting worse. The prospect of working out makes me want a doughnut. The guilt from eating the aforementioned doughnut drives me to drown my feelings in the other doughnut (did I mention I got two.)
Yet, I have things I want to do with my life. See my boys graduate and get married, spoil my grandkids, beat Margret at Wii boxing...you know important things.
Back to Marget...
On Fridays, she takes a particularly hard (yet rewarding) class led by a crazy man known as Johnny Loper, or Jay-Lo as his studio is named. He remembers you and is friendly and funny every time you see him. One day she talks to him about helping me get into some other shape besides round. He asks to see us (me) at his studio that next Tuesday to talk about what he has to offer.
Long story, short, I start training with Johnny. This is back in October of '08. My gosh at the pain. But I got better. My gosh at the nausea. But I got better. My gosh at the swirling vortex of air being sucked into my lungs. But I got better.
Its January now and I am still fat mind you, but I spring out of bed. I don't get run down mid-afternoon anymore. I can out last my kids at wrestling even when I take them on all at once. I can't beat Margret at Wii boxing yet but I am beginning to suspect she is cheating...this needs more investigation.
Thinking back over these last 3 months of training I have realized several key things about myself. It is my hope I can get some good comments and suggestions from folks and maybe even inspire someone to get off their own duff and do something.
Thing 1 - If there is nobody there to hold me accountable, then I won't work out. The fact that I know Johnny is waiting at his studio on me to get there is enough for me to drag my body out of bed on training days (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.) Yes, I paid him to be there, but its more than that. I don't want to disappoint him. I have tried and failed so many times before, when trying to lose weight on my own that I no longer feel overly disappointed in my own self when I do fail. Having that external accountability has made a huge difference.
The next couple of things have to do with my off-days (Tuesdays and Thursdays.)
Thing 2 - I hate monotonous exercise. Walking the treadmill, elliptical trainer, whatever totally and utterly sucks. I hate it. I have tried mp3 players with all types of music. Watching TV, people, and the goings on outside the window to no avail. It just sucks.
Thing 3 - I hate working out alone. This one is two-fold. First: if ever I am going to fail to get out of bed in the morning to workout it will be on a Tuesday or Thursday. Second: when I get to the gym I tend to flounder about trying to do something that will resemble exercise. But without that human counterpart there I often stop short and do not push myself. Why? I am inherently lazy. My inner couch potato has a very loud voice when there is no one else there to drown it out.
The last thing has to do with my eating...
Thing 4 - If I get hungry I will cheat if given the chance. I have zero will-power. I have come to realize this. Accept it. I think that if I can keep myself satisfied with healthy snacks and meals then I won't get hungry and thus won't cheat but this is purely anecdotal and somewhat optimistic thinking. The thing is I know what choices I should make. I know how to read nutritional labels and can almost convert the calories/fat/fiber to weight watcher points in my head. In this case, at least for me, knowledge is NOT power. A big hulking guy standing over my shoulder ready to snatch that cookie from my hand and dare me to take it back - that is power.
If I am ever to adopt a healthy lifestyle on a long-term basis, I have to find solutions to the 4 things listed above. I think until I do, I am destined to fail again.
I have been fat all my life. When I was young, my dad used to tell me it was just baby fat and would go away as I grew into a teen. It didn't. My brother always had a fat joke at the ready. Often unleashing one when I needed it the least. The leanest and meanest I ever got was in high school. I wrestled and played a little football. I was pretty much the direct opposite of your garden variety all-star but I did lose most of my belly by running countless stairs and sweating countless gallons doing it.
I gained some of it back in college, but kept it at bay by playing massive amounts of tennis and walking pretty much everywhere I went.
Luckily, I married Margret before I put on the weight I am carrying now. Not sure that would have happened otherwise.
Margret has been doing the gym thing for most of her adult life. And it shows. She is a hottie. She is curvy. She is muscular. When she swings, I flinch. For the past few years or so, she has been pretty darn consistent about going to the Y 5 days a week. This past year she has opted to take the 9AM classes there where she does everything from lifting to spinning.
I, on the other hand, have become a disgusting fatbody. Out of shape and getting worse. The prospect of working out makes me want a doughnut. The guilt from eating the aforementioned doughnut drives me to drown my feelings in the other doughnut (did I mention I got two.)
Yet, I have things I want to do with my life. See my boys graduate and get married, spoil my grandkids, beat Margret at Wii boxing...you know important things.
Back to Marget...
On Fridays, she takes a particularly hard (yet rewarding) class led by a crazy man known as Johnny Loper, or Jay-Lo as his studio is named. He remembers you and is friendly and funny every time you see him. One day she talks to him about helping me get into some other shape besides round. He asks to see us (me) at his studio that next Tuesday to talk about what he has to offer.
Long story, short, I start training with Johnny. This is back in October of '08. My gosh at the pain. But I got better. My gosh at the nausea. But I got better. My gosh at the swirling vortex of air being sucked into my lungs. But I got better.
Its January now and I am still fat mind you, but I spring out of bed. I don't get run down mid-afternoon anymore. I can out last my kids at wrestling even when I take them on all at once. I can't beat Margret at Wii boxing yet but I am beginning to suspect she is cheating...this needs more investigation.
Thinking back over these last 3 months of training I have realized several key things about myself. It is my hope I can get some good comments and suggestions from folks and maybe even inspire someone to get off their own duff and do something.
Thing 1 - If there is nobody there to hold me accountable, then I won't work out. The fact that I know Johnny is waiting at his studio on me to get there is enough for me to drag my body out of bed on training days (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.) Yes, I paid him to be there, but its more than that. I don't want to disappoint him. I have tried and failed so many times before, when trying to lose weight on my own that I no longer feel overly disappointed in my own self when I do fail. Having that external accountability has made a huge difference.
The next couple of things have to do with my off-days (Tuesdays and Thursdays.)
Thing 2 - I hate monotonous exercise. Walking the treadmill, elliptical trainer, whatever totally and utterly sucks. I hate it. I have tried mp3 players with all types of music. Watching TV, people, and the goings on outside the window to no avail. It just sucks.
Thing 3 - I hate working out alone. This one is two-fold. First: if ever I am going to fail to get out of bed in the morning to workout it will be on a Tuesday or Thursday. Second: when I get to the gym I tend to flounder about trying to do something that will resemble exercise. But without that human counterpart there I often stop short and do not push myself. Why? I am inherently lazy. My inner couch potato has a very loud voice when there is no one else there to drown it out.
The last thing has to do with my eating...
Thing 4 - If I get hungry I will cheat if given the chance. I have zero will-power. I have come to realize this. Accept it. I think that if I can keep myself satisfied with healthy snacks and meals then I won't get hungry and thus won't cheat but this is purely anecdotal and somewhat optimistic thinking. The thing is I know what choices I should make. I know how to read nutritional labels and can almost convert the calories/fat/fiber to weight watcher points in my head. In this case, at least for me, knowledge is NOT power. A big hulking guy standing over my shoulder ready to snatch that cookie from my hand and dare me to take it back - that is power.
If I am ever to adopt a healthy lifestyle on a long-term basis, I have to find solutions to the 4 things listed above. I think until I do, I am destined to fail again.
We now return to the program already in progress...
I have used facebook for just a small amount of time and I like it. I check it several times a day. But, its not a blog. I want to document my journey as I lose weight and facebook is not the place to do that. So here it goes...
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